Category: 2011

So, important things first. Who has been fired from celeb Apprentice? Wednesday night was Jennie Finch (I think that’s her surname). She was a US Olympic softball player anyway. A very pretty blonde but like Nadia Comaneci these top class athletes who I saw as so disciplined and so competitive really cannot take the cut throat world of business. Last night saw the demise of Vinny Pastore, an actor from the Sopranos. After a very explosive episode between him and Piers Morgan the men’s team lost for the first time. Many of the yanks are against Piers. They see him as too aggressive but Donald and Ivanca seem to like him. As does our very own Lennox Lewis who defended Piers in the boardroom. Maybe it’s the way he calmly denied calling Vinny a fat Italian, pointing out he had called him a VERY fat Italian!! Piers was looking odds on to be fired but Vinny actually quit in the end. Piers needs to build some bridges with his team. The women’s team all loathe him also, though he did congratulate them on their win and was very gracious in defeat.

Ok so onto other matters. We got up on Thursday to another great day weather wise and sat on our veranda to have a light breakfast. We then went out for lunch to a restaurant we had found the previous night on an after dinner drive. It was right on the beach front in a very nice area although the breeze from the sea there was a little cool. Paul opted for another all day breakfast and I had a tuna sandwich and some chips. We watched kids build sandcastles and brave adults partake in water sports.

After lunch we headed to the Fiesa. This is an international festival of sand sculptures that is created each year and open from late April thru to October. It is officially considered completed in June and up to then the sculptors are still building but it was certainly pretty much finished when we looked around. It was 8 euros each to get in and I can honestly say it was amazing. It was pretty big and the sight of wall to wall sand as far as the eye can see was quite spectacular. The theme this year was animals which range from a chimp band to elephants, bugs, pigs, lions, dolphins and turtles to name but a few. Of course we took pics for you that will be online at the weekend so not long to wait now! After we looked all around, which took about an hour, we sat outside for a drink in the sunshine.

After we left the grown up sand castles we made our way to Alcantariha. We were headed for the capella dos ossos or chapel of bones. There are a few in this area. Essentially, when they built churches on the grounds of cemeteries they would build a chapel lined with the bones and skulls that were dug up. It is seen as a mark of respect to the dead. We found the sign for the chapel and parked up. As we opened the door to go in it was tiny but in no way disappointing. It was a sight to behold; walls and ceiling completely covered in bones and skulls – it was amazing. I guess morbidly fascinating is the phrase but we both agreed it was awesome. Yep, more pics of this to come….

After this we decided to amble back to the villa and sit out again but took a scenic route stopping at Algar Seco on the way. This is a pretty Coastal point with a chapel (no bones) and a great view of the cliffs and surrounding area. We did briefly consider visiting Cliff Richard’s vineyard but decided against it!

We got back to the villa after 5 and sat outside to relax. We had decided to head out for dinner at about half 6 and went to the restaurant on the strip we had enjoyed on Tuesday night; the restaurant Costa Rica. We sat and watched the world go by (well the Chavs go by anyway) and partook of our usual chicken and chips and omelette and chips. The food was good again. After dinner we went for a drive to digest our food. Some of the local roads are almost dirt tracks and after a while this is where we found ourselves. It was dusk and we were heading down a very dingy track that looked more and more dodgy as it went on. We passed a lovely homeless area with wino’s sat around and some plain but dodgy looking buildings. We kept going until we found ourselves… On the beach!! Having just about managed to turn the punto around with a few wheel spins in the sand we had to go all the way back the way we came. It was getting dark and the sat nav had no idea where we were. We were not on a road but in the middle if nowhere seemingly. There’s never a dull moment on holiday with us! We eventually got back to where we started and the sat nav picked us up and put us on the road home – phew! We got home after 9 and you already know about celeb Apprentice.

Today we did our usual lazy morning and headed out after lunch. We decided to head east (we’ve explored the west extensively) and had a couple of shopping malls and another copella dos ossos on our itinerary. The first shopping mall we stopped at was Forum shops in Faro. It was quite small with interesting brands such as United Colours of Bennetton and C&A. Plus lots of unrecognisable ones. It had a food court so we stopped for a quick burger. We left there and made our way to the centre of Faro. It’s a grotty city with more than it’s fair share of beggars, dingy derelict buildings and narrow cobbled streets. Trusty sat nav got us to our chapel and after a couple of circuits we found a parking space. The church itself was very ornate, typical of catholic I expect, and at the front there was a pathway to the bones chapel. It was bigger than yesterdays but not as good. A lot of the skulls were broken and it seemed untended which defeated it’s stated objective of respecting the dead. There were a lot of tourists there and we were glad we had found yesterday’s chapel as it was much better.

We left Faro on the motorway towards Spain. We contemplated crossing the border but decided against it in the end. Instead we made our way to Quinta do Largo. This was a really posh resort area, exactly what I expected of the Algarve. We think this is where we considered staying. We looked at two 5 star resorts online but one was very near the airport runway so we discounted it. This place was near the airport so could well have been it. If so, we made the wrong choice – this place was gorgeous. We found the shops, an outdoor very posh mall with designer labels! It was very small but I bought a DKNY bag from a boutique shop like Minnies that Sam runs in TOWIE.

After this we headed for the Algarve shopping, the mall we had been to on Monday. I want to get a ring from Pandora that matched some earrings I already have. The server struggled a little with her English but we got there and after failing to up sell me the earrings (that I already have) and he necklace, I left with my ring.

Since it was tea time and neither of us really wanted to head out again we figured we’d get some food while we were there. We were not overly hungry either so we went for a pizza hut meal deal of 2 slices plus a drink for 4 euros 50. Bargain! We ate outside before making our way back to the villa.

We are now watching Point Break as I type this. Tonight we shall watch another celeb apprentice and pack our cases. We leave at 8am in the morning and will be back in Blighty for about 1pm. After unpacking it will be the F1 Turkish qualies to watch and a relaxing weekend ahead of work on Monday. And on that slightly depressing note I will close.

I left you on Monday evening and it is now Wednesday evening so I have another 48 hours to fill you in on. I best get typing then.

After I posted on Monday we decided to go out and get some moody evening photos of the sun setting over the sea. Just before we did the maintenance man arrived to fix the wifi. He swapped the router out and showed us the flashing lights and indeed we were connected to the Internet…..for all of about 30 minutes. Knowing the location of the router however has enabled network guru that is Paul Brennan to fix it himself. The hotel has a DNS issue that needs sorting as Paul chatted to Sharon (our rep) about earlier today when she called to check on our wifi progress!!

Anyway, we did venture out in the end and got some great shots by the sea. I found the compositions and Paul did the techy bit to get the perfect shot. Sadly we have no way of downloading them here so you will have to wait to see them.

We returned to the villa to watch part 2 of celebrity apprentice USA. Sadly Nadia Comeneci fell foul of Donald when she failed to fight her corner.

We awoke on Tuesday morning to a glorious day. Warm Sunshine and a blue sky with wispy clouds. We sat outside basking in the sun and headed out about 11am. The plan was to go to the beach and find a nice bar/restaurant for lunch. We parked up and wandered down to the beach. Paul had seen a recommended place on trip advisor and felt sure he could find it. To do so this included a long walk across the beach and the sand is far from soft underfoot. It was littered with broken shells that were not comfortable inside your sandals I can tell you. Needless to say we didn’t find the place so headed back up to road level (being Coastal and hilly the beach is a long way down) and walked along the front. It was windy but still warm. We then made our way down the escalators (yes, you read that right) to beach level again and found a secluded place in the sun where we decide to stop. Pretty much everyone speaks really good English and the whole place seems geared up for Brits so not surprisingly Paul had a full English breakfast and I opted for a jacket potato with tuna. The food was really nice and we sat in the warm sun for a good hour or so. I had purchased a hat along the way as the sun gets in my eyes so sat there in my old man’s style trilby.

When we moved on we had decided to go and find the lighthouses that were at the tip of Lagos. It was about a 45 minute drive to get to the Marina where we stopped briefly and then about 10 mins to the coast where there was a very small, uninspiring gated lighthouse building. It was all locked up however there were lots of people there all seemingly heading around the back. We did the same and found ourselves at the top of the Coastal cliffs looking down into some caves. There were pathways and even steps all the way down to sea level and there were some amazing views (yep, you guessed it, photos to follow – sorry). Paul did his Edmund Hillary impression and scaled the tallest peak, which seemed to concern a middle aged couple next to me but we had seen several people climb it so it was reasonably safe. Paul did say it was a little blowy up there though which made him slightly uneasy.

We returned to our trusty punto and headed back. We wanted to take a Coastal road but Tom Tom said no! So it was back down the motorway and came back. By this time it was around 5:30 so we had a breather, got spruced up and went out to get some dinner. Paul had spotted a restaurant he wanted to try on the chavvy strip so we managed to park and wandered down. It was the restaurant costa rica and we got an outside table on the path edge and watched the world go by. I ordered melon and Parma ham to start and Paul had the French onion soup. I then opted for grilled chicken and chips and Paul had omelette with sautéed potatoes. We finished this off with a pancake with cream, ice cream and chocolate sauce. The food really was nice and it was a great dinner, they would have been handsomely tipped if it hadn’t been for their attempt to diddle us at the end. They gave us change for 50 euros when we had given them 60. Wrong people to try and swindle as we have our wits about us. Of course it may have been a genuine mistake you may think us way too cynical!

We came home and watched episode 3 of celebrity apprentice USA and this time Gene Simmons was out. Donald gave him every opportunity to stay and offered him another contestant on a plate to be fired but Gene defied him (and defied all logic it has to be said) and committed boardroom suicide.
Other notable tv highlights at the stage are French x-factor and a variation of millionaire called high pressure where contestants have to answer and if they win they stay on and if not they are replaced by another contestant who takes over the winnings so far and carries on. Paul and I answered more questions correctly than most contestants even with them being in Portuguese. We did use the trusty iPhone translator app once or twice admittedly.

This morning was another hot sunny one and again we lazed around the villa until after 12. We had decided to go the the zoo marine park which is not overly big the afternoon would be enough. It was 25 euros each to get in and was pretty empty. This whole place is dead this week which I really like but Paul wants a few more folks apparently. The first show was the sea lion show at 1:45 so we made our way to some good seats. The warm up act was a weird looking pirate who got 4 male members of the audience out front and got them playing air drums, air guitar, air bass and even and air vocalist. A couple of them were clearly Brits but the star of the show was a foreign guy who went all out to perform for the crowd and was awarded a big stuffed polar bear for his efforts. Upon seeing that I urged Paul to make a pratt of himself but to no avail 😉

The show was a little dated (this whole area seems stuck in the 90’s) and needed a script update but the sea lions and grey seals were cute. I was slightly disturbed that the show included a piece with the actors wielding clubs when grey seals were around and also a scene where the “baddy” character shot a sea lion who then proceeded to play dead but it all ended on a typical PC note where the treasure they had been hunting was life itself and Michael Jackson’s “heal the world” played out.

After this we had an hour before the dolphin show so went to get some food. We had grotty cheeseburgers but it did the job. We then wandered to the turtles and onto the alligators and the crocodile. The keepers were feeding the croc, named Jando, and at one point the croc spun round and scared the living daylights out of us all. He was certainly quick and we were able to get really close. The gators were all spark out in the sun.

We then went into the dolphin show which included a synchronised swimming team display. An odd choice and more cellulite than you see on your average swimmer but mildly entertaining all the same. There were about a dozen dolphins who did the usual stuff; pushing trainers along, waving tails, jumping and a section where 2 toddlers were pulled along in a boat. We had seen the toddlers be selected pre-show. A little blond girl clearly keen and a young Portuguese looking boy who seemed far from keen but his parents were not taking no for an answer! I forgot to mention that pre-show entertainment was the previous pirate geezer this time appearing as a clown. It was not as good as the air band and there were no stuffed polar bears on offer. There was however a popcorn seller so we did buy a cone and it was really nice popcorn.

We exited the show at about 3:45 and wandered around in the sun for a while until the sea lion feeding at 4pm. There was also an underground viewing area where you could see clearly into the tanks and we watched the seals and sea lions for a while.

We then made our way to the aquarium where we saw a wicked octopus, a cool starfish and a pretty big tiger shark. We then made our way to the sting ray pool and stroked the rays, exiting with slimy fingers!!

There was not a lot else to do so we left and came back to the villa. We sat outside for a while deliberating dinner. Neither of us were overly hungry and didn’t want to get all dolled up to go out so headed back to the main strip once more. We ambled along and eventually settled on Chinese which was really nice. I had chicken and sweetcorn soup to start and Paul had chilli prawns. I then had sweet and sour chicken with noodles and Paul went for prawns in black bean sauce with egg fried rice. It was really cheap at 22 euros total.

We came straight back to the villa as we were both tired and that is where you find us now. I think Paul is pretty fed up with the limited uk channels so I’ll sign off for now so we can use the iPad to watch the next instalment of celebrity apprentice USA.

Hello readers, we are sat on our veranda in the Algarve, it’s a pleasant evening after a rainy couple of days. It’s day two here so I’ll go back almost 48 hours and fill you in.

At 2:45am on Sunday morning Paul’s alarm went off and he headed for a bath. Ah, the bliss of the bed to myself. I dozed back off until his dulcet tones sounded. Oh crap, I have to get up at this ungodly hour as well don’t I? Our flight was from Birmingham at 06:30 so we got ready and went to the airport. Being a package tour and a short haul flight there was no upper class, business or favourable check-in and we had to queue with everyone else at the Monarch check-in desk. Service was slow but eventually we were called forward. Again a consequence of package deals is no self seat allocation ahead of travel but upon asking there were still extra leg room seats available so we paid the £38 and opted for that.

The flight was fairly uneventful though looking around it seemed very much like a Derby and Joan convention. We were definitely about the youngest bar a couple of grandchildren that had been dragged along by the elderly contingent. We landed about 9am (still on UK time being Portugal) and were bus’d to the the terminal. Another queue at immigration and then onto get the bags which came off relatively quickly. It was then over to Hertz to get the car. It seemed relatively quiet so I waited outside and Paul went in. Whilst he was queuing we had our first downpour, so being the true Brit I sat under my brolly. It took ages for Paul to emerge again, I was convinced there had been a problem that he was dealing with in true Paul style, but no, it was just very slow. We made our way to our allocated Fiat Punto (nice (sorry Iain)). With the trusty iPhone sat nav we decided to head for the hotel and see if we could check in, albeit early.

The journey was not what we had expected, the area was a little grotty and run down in places. At one point I looked at a billboard suddenly to find myself thrown forwards as Paul completed an emergency stop. A light at a crossing had turned red which we have since worked out seems to happen if we approach too fast (yes it has happened with enough frequency to ascertain that!). It took around 30 mins but trusty Tom Tom got us to our hotel – Grande Real Santa Eulalia. It’s a 5 star gated hotel and spa complex with cobbled roadways. Our package entitled us to a guaranteed room upgrade allocated upon arrival which proved tricky with the check-in girl’s poor grasp of English but with a little persistence she checked with a colleague and our studio apartment was duly upgraded to a 1 bedroomed apartment. We then got a cool trip in a golf buggy to our designated apartment with the bell boy. (It’s a bit of a golfers paradise out here). Our apartment is nice enough though both of us feel it is not worthy of 5 stars. We have stayed in much nicer places that are way more luxurious. I think it’s on a par with the Cala Vinas and that’s only 4 star.

We unpacked and decided to head straight out as we were both starving. It was now about half 11 so we figured we were about right for lunch. We started to explore the hotel and made our way to the sea front where there was a cafe. It was windy and raining (my brolly had been used a few times by now) but there was a few people out and about and the cafe was quite full. We opted for hot dogs and coke (very USA) which turned up in seconds and the hot dogs contained not only sausage but ham and French fry crisps! An odd concoction but tasty all the same.

After lunch we decided to go an explore Albufeira, an interesting place akin to Magaluf! I thought the Algarve was posh – I was wrong. It has many similarities to Majorca but mostly the bad bits! We tried to drive as close the the beach as we could but some areas were pedestrianised. The standard of driving is appalling by the way, they pull out on you, drive too close up behind and dart about like maniacs.

We then went to Vilamora marina, quite a nice stop to be honest. We walked past the shops, restaurants and even a champagne bar. There were some impressive boats and there were vendors of both boats and accessories for them – including hot tubs to have aboard! By this time it was getting on for 3pm and having been up for 12 hours we were both shattered so came back to the ranch for a rest. Paul watched tv as he dozed and I got my head down curled up with a blanket.

We got up about 7pm and needed to eat so headed out once more. We wanted to check out the places of interest for later in the week so found the sea life park and the shopping centre. Since the shopping centre had a food court we went there for dinner. McDonalds was the selected choice and the nice chap spoke very good English. I had a cheeseburger happy meal and Paul had a chicken sandwich meal. We each had an apple pie for dessert – we’re on holiday so dinner must include a dessert right? We came straight home and watched the first episode of an American celebrity apprentice which includes Piers Morgan, Gene Simmonds, Lenox Lewis and other b list celebs I am struggling to name. The first to go was a former playmate of the year called Tiffany. Donald Trump was disappointed she had not called in a favour from Hugh in order to win the task!
At this point I must spare a thought and a prayer for the sad loss of Sir Henry Cooper. God rest his soul.

We headed for bed about 11pm and after a bed stripping and re-making exercise after finding a spider in mine!!!!! got some sleep.

We awoke today about 9am. The beds are very uncomfortable and too hard. Paul took a call from our rep so de sided to complain about this and the fact that the wifi does not work properly. Not sure if anything will happen but we’ll see. The rep has just called again actually and aside from Paul chatting about our day and the weather it seems she may get someone to call round about the wifi!
At this point I spare no thought or prayer for Osama Bin Laden but it has to be said we are having a lot of breaking news this trip. What is next I ask…

So, back to this morning. Breakfast was toast, fake croissants, crisps and biscuits. The maid got a tad tetchy just after 11 as we were still in but we had a nice gentle morning. We then headed out to the shops making our way to Portimao first. I managed to get a cardie and a top from H&M and we also bought some sweets and 2 mugs (the cups are too small for a good old English cuppa!). We stopped for a Sprite and as the sun shone through the clouds it was very pleasant and warm.

Afterwards we drove out to Alvor. A beach resort. It was windy and wet so there was no bathers but we got some snaps. I think you may have to wait until our return for the pics to be uploaded though – sorry folks.

We then made our way to the Algarve shopping centre. The one where we had dined last night. I needed to get some bare minerals make up from Sephora and thankfully even in this country of darker skinned folk they had my porcelain colour! We had seen the previous evening a nice looking steak house in the shopping centre and had planned our day such that we ended up here for an early tea. We went in and asked if we could sit anywhere, discovering immediately that no English was spoken. After hand gestures of eating and pointing to tables we sat down. There was an english translation on the menu but even so ordering was impossible. The Fillet steak seemed to be an issue that we didn’t understand. We think it was that it was cooked at the table but after several failed conversations Paul decided to use his iPhone translator. We ended up ordering sirloin as fillet didn’t actually seem to be served. The translator gave us steak and chips as well as the useful “medium” and “well done” phrases. Paul was slightly concerned he may be giving praise to his steak rather than asking for it’s cooking time but all seemed ok.
Coke as a beverage is understood the world over so that bit was ok! After what seemed to be an eternity 2 bowls turned up with cremated steak in each. Also present was a slice of lemon and a lot of olives! Subsequently 2 bowls of chips arrived served with a slice of orange and another substance that neither of us ever worked out what it was. It was the consistency of breadcrumbs with green spices and a taste reminiscent of sage and onion stuffing (but not as nice). By this point a new waitress had arrived on shift with a better grasp of English so despite having translations at the ready we requested salt, mustard and ketchup with ease. The translation of ketchup is actually ketchup so that may have helped slightly.

The steak was tough as old boots and had a horrible twang that we attributed to the olives. Both were extremely highly praised (very well done if that went over any heads). After transferring just the meat and chips to a plate it looked almost edible so we hacked our way through and ate. Needless to say we don’t recommend the place.

We headed straight back after dinner and that’s where you find us now. We’ve had a mug of tea and as it’s now 8pm it’s starting to get chilly so I will head inside and sign off for now.

Until next time….